you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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