Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
