and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
