I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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