just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
