how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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