he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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