And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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