just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
