yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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