I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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