So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
