I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she smelled like a LAN party
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize