genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
