I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
