hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
