Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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