moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
