all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
