I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How external is "for external use only"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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