i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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