shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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