Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
