Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
