I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
