Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
