dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
