I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
