Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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