We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
