why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
