wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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