I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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