Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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