I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
