Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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