big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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