Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
