Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
