jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
