I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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