I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
