No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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