She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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