google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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