someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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