Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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