Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
