I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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