I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
