I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
