Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
