She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
