Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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