i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
