Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
