They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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