I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
