you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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