she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
