Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
