Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
