you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
