the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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