DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sex in a hospital.. check
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
