you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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