never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
