Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
40s are totally the cure
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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