you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
