Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
