No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
