so that wasnt chicken after all
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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